Financial Coaching for Couples: build money confidence for stronger relationships

Money can often be a source of tension and conflict between partners, but a relatively new service that can really help is financial coaching for couples.

This is not about the sale of financial products, so there’s no pressure to ‘buy’ something, but it’s also not therapy. Coaching is forward-looking and action-based. It’s about creating new perspectives, appreciating each other’s viewpoint and working towards joint goals.

A study by Aviva found that 38% of people in UK relationships admit to keeping secret savings or financial accounts. And research from Experian revealed that 1 in 5 young couples in the UK have ended relationships due to financial issues, highlighting just how disruptive financial stress can be.

For many couples, money is not just about pounds and pence or dollars and cents. It carries deep emotional weight. Financial disagreements can lead to arguments, create emotional distance, and even contribute to the breakdown of a relationship.

While these challenges are common, they do not have to spell disaster. With the right guidance and better communication, couples can transform financial stress into financial strength. This is where financial coaching comes in.

Unlike traditional financial planning, which tends to focus on the numbers, financial coaching helps couples navigate the complex interplay between money and emotions. It provides a safe and structured space to explore financial habits, set shared goals, and build a healthier financial infrastructure.

Let’s take a closer look at the impact of money on relationships, the benefits of financial coaching for couples and some practical tips that you and your partner can adopt today.

The impact of money on relationships

When couples are not on the same page financially, it can lead to misunderstandings, stress, and resentment.

The findings of the Experian research mentioned earlier align with broader studies suggesting that money is a primary source of arguments for couples worldwide. When left unaddressed, these arguments can chip away at relationship satisfaction, creating an atmosphere of tension and uncertainty.

Emotional Triggers Behind Financial Disputes

At the heart of many financial disagreements are deep-seated emotional triggers. Money often ties into:

• Security: For some, saving money is a way to feel safe, especially if financial hardship has been experienced in the past.
• Freedom and Independence: Others may view money as a means to enjoy life, leading to spending habits that might clash with a partner’s more conservative approach.
• Control and Power: Financial control can show up in unhealthy ways, where one partner might dominate financial decisions or restrict access to funds, potentially leading to financial abuse.

These triggers can transform seemingly simple financial decisions into complex emotional battlegrounds. A purchase that one partner sees as a necessary treat might be viewed by the other as reckless spending.

Without open communication, these small issues can escalate, impacting the overall health of the relationship.

The Broader Impact on Relationship Satisfaction

Financial stress affects more than just bank balances. Couples dealing with ongoing money-related stress often experience:

• Communication Breakdown: When money becomes a taboo topic, partners may avoid discussions altogether, leading to a lack of transparency and collaboration
• Emotional Distance: Financial arguments can create a sense of detachment, as partners may withdraw to avoid conflict
• Erosion of Trust: Hidden financial habits or undisclosed debts can lead to lasting distrust, which is challenging to rebuild

The rising cost of living can make these pressures can feel even more acute. The Mental Health Foundation reports that 34% of UK adults feel anxious due to financial pressures, emotions that can easily spill over into their personal relationships.

Turning Financial Challenges into Opportunities

While financial stress can quite easily strain a relationship, it also offers an opportunity for growth. By facing financial challenges together, couples can strengthen their bond, improve their communication, and develop a shared vision for their future.

Financial coaching provides a structured and supportive environment where couples can explore their money habits, address underlying emotional triggers, and build healthier financial dynamics.

At this point, It’s important to realise how different this is to practical money guidance.

It’s likely, of course, that financial coaching will include some practical actions like re-arranging bank accounts etc, but the emotional and behavioural side is key. It’s important to check that you’re working with a properly qualified and experienced coach, not just someone with technical expertise.

Key areas where couples struggle financially

Every financial journey is unique, but certain challenges tend to crop up frequently with couples. These can reveal deeper misalignments in communication, priorities, or even values. Recognising these key pressure points is the first step toward addressing them effectively.

1. Budgeting Together: Finding Common Ground

One of the earliest financial hurdles couples face is creating and maintaining a system of money management. This may, or may not, include budgeting, but key aspects include:

• Joint vs. separate finances: Deciding whether to merge finances or maintain individual accounts is a significant decision. Some couples prefer the simplicity of joint accounts, while others value financial independence. More often than not, it’s a combination of the two that works best.
• Differing spending priorities: One partner might prioritise saving for a holiday, while the other wants to invest in home improvements. These differences can lead to frustration if not managed openly and fairly.
• Everyday money management: Tracking expenses, managing bills, and not overspending requires discipline and coordination. When one partner is less engaged in this process, it can create an imbalance and feelings of resentment. It’s important to create a system that doesn’t feel too onerous and works for both partner

2. Debt Management: Navigating the Past to Build the Future

For couples, debt can represent a sensitive topic:

• Pre-existing debts: Many couples enter relationships with individual debts. Deciding whether to tackle these debts together or keep them separate requires honest conversations.
• Approaches to debt repayment: Some people prefer aggressive repayment strategies to eliminate debt quickly, while others opt for gradual, manageable payments. Misaligned approaches can lead to disagreements.
• Financial infidelity and hidden debts: A survey by Aviva found that 38% of UK partners keep financial secrets, which can include undisclosed debts. Such secrecy can erode trust and lead to significant relationship strain.

3. Setting Financial Goals: Aligning Visions for the Future

Financial goals can vary widely between partners, influenced by upbringing, experiences, and individual aspirations:

• Short-term vs. long-term goals: One partner might focus on saving for immediate desires like cars and holidays, while the other prioritises long-term investment for retirement or future lifestyle.
• Risk tolerance: Investment strategies can differ, with one partner preferring safe savings accounts and the other leaning towards higher-risk investments. Finding a balanced approach that respects both perspectives is crucial.
• Lifestyle expectations: Disagreements often arise when partners have different visions of their ideal lifestyle. Whether it’s spending on luxury items or choosing frugality, aligning on lifestyle choices is key to avoiding conflicts.
• Gifting to children: For couples with family, tensions can arise when thinking about passing wealth to the next generation. How do you balance your own lifestyle against setting up your children for success?

4. Financial Communication: Breaking Down Barriers

Communication is at the heart of many financial struggles. When couples avoid discussing money, misunderstandings and assumptions can take root:

• Avoiding difficult conversations: Many couples shy away from discussing debt, spending habits, or financial fears. This avoidance can lead to decisions being made unilaterally, resulting in frustration.
• Financial roles in the relationship: Often, one partner naturally takes on household finances, like paying bills, handling investments, or setting budgets. While this can work well, it can also create an imbalance where one partner feels excluded or overwhelmed.
• Emotional reactions to money: Money can trigger deep-seated emotions such as fear, guilt, or pride. Recognising and addressing these emotions is essential for open and productive financial conversations.

5. Cultural and Family Influences: Unpacking Money Mindsets

Our attitudes toward money are often shaped long before we enter a relationship. Cultural norms, family upbringing, and past experiences all contribute to our financial mindset:

• Different money mindsets: When partners come from different cultural or socioeconomic backgrounds, they may have contrasting views on spending, saving, and investing.
• Inherited financial behaviours: If one partner grew up in a household where money was scarce, they might prioritise saving and security, while a partner from a more affluent background might have a more relaxed attitude towards spending.
• Financial expectations from family: Supporting family members financially or managing inheritances can also create unique challenges. Couples must navigate these expectations carefully to avoid tension.

Turning Financial Struggles into Strengths

While these financial struggles are common, they also present opportunities for growth. By approaching financial challenges with curiosity, empathy, and openness, couples can transform potential conflicts into powerful learning experiences.

Financial coaching for couples will provide the tools to address these areas, helping build not only financial stability but also a stronger, more resilient relationship.

How financial coaching for couples can help

Financial coaching takes a holistic approach, which can make it feel different to traditional finance advice. It blends practical financial management with awareness around the emotions of money. It helps with improved communication, changes to financial behaviours and tools to thrive both financially and emotionally.

1. Facilitating Open Communication: Creating a Safe Space

A key benefit of financial coaching is the non-judgemental approach of enabling open and honest conversations about money. Many couples avoid discussing finances due to fear, guilt, or past disagreements. A financial coach acts as a neutral third party, helping partners address topics such as:

• Spending habits: Discussing what constitutes a necessary expense versus a luxury.
• Financial fears and goals: Encouraging partners to share their hopes and anxieties surrounding money.
• Hidden money mindsets: Bringing to light how past experiences shape present financial behaviours.

By promoting transparency, financial coaching can help partners move beyond assumptions and build a clearer understanding of each other’s financial perspectives.

A great exercise to help with this is Money Habitudes and you can read more about that in my article here.

2. Creating a Financial Vision as a Couple

Financial coaching helps couples align their financial goals and create a shared vision for the future. This might include:

• Alignment of priorities: One partner may prioritise saving for a house deposit, while the other is more focused on paying off debt. Compromise and balance could help achieve both.
• Consistent spending patterns: Financial coaching can help establish a mutually agreed system of money management. This might include budgeting techniques to help balance short-term enjoyment with long-term security.
• Progressing a financial roadmap: Coaches can help facilitate actionable steps towards achieving money goals. It’s about shifting the mindset from “my money” and “your money” to “our financial future“.

3. Providing tools and strategies

A good financial coach will be able to suggest practical tools and strategies, which might include:

• Budgeting techniques: There is no one method of budgeting that works for everyone. From traditional spreadsheets to modern apps, a coach can help couples identify what works best for you both.
• Debt management: Coaches can assist in prioritising debts, creating repayment strategies, and reducing financial stress.
• Saving and investing: Although a coach will not recommend specific products in the same way as a regulated financial adviser, you can expect education and guidance. This will empower you to make your own decisions.

Sometimes, as the coaching process unfolds, it becomes evident that regulated advice would be of benefit. A financial coach can help you identify the right type of adviser and how to go about choosing someone you’d like to work with.

4. Mediating Difficult Conversations

Money conversations can sometimes become heated, particularly if there are underlying trust issues or unspoken grievances. Financial coaches are skilled mediators who can:

• Guide discussions: Ensuring both partners have the opportunity to share their thoughts without interruption.
• Provide perspective: Helping couples see the situation from each other’s viewpoints.
• Reduce blame and judgment: By keeping conversations constructive, coaches help couples focus on finding solutions rather than rehashing past mistakes.

For example, if one partner has hidden debt, a coach can facilitate a discussion that focuses on rebuilding trust and creating a debt repayment plan, rather than letting the conversation spiral into blame and defensiveness.

5. Establishing Accountability

One of the biggest challenges for couples is maintaining momentum after setting financial goals. It’s easy to fall back into old habits or let busy schedules push financial discussions to the bottom of the priority list. Financial coaching helps by:

• Setting regular check-ins: Coaches often schedule follow-up sessions to review progress and adjust plans as needed.
• Providing gentle accountability: Instead of one partner always reminding the other about budgets or savings goals, the coach may take on this role, reducing potential friction.
• Celebrating milestones: Recognising and celebrating progress, whether it’s paying off a credit card or reaching a savings target. This reinforces positive behaviours and keeps couples motivated.

The Bigger Picture: Building Financial Resilience and Relationship Strength

Financial coaching is not just about fixing immediate money problems. It’s about building a resilient foundation for the future. By helping couples improve financial literacy, develop healthy money habits, and strengthen communication skills, financial coaching can lead to lasting positive change.

When couples approach money matters as a team, they not only improve their financial stability but also enhance their overall relationship satisfaction.

Practical Tips for Couples

While financial coaching can provide invaluable support, there are also practical steps you and your partner can take on your own:

1. Schedule Regular ‘Money Dates’

Set aside time for regular financial check-ins. These “money dates” provide a dedicated space to discuss finances without the pressures of everyday distractions.

• Make It a habit: Set a recurring time each month (or week) to review your budget, track expenses, and discuss upcoming financial decisions.
• Nurture a positive atmosphere: Approach these meetings with a collaborative mindset, free from blame or judgment. Think about the setting and what might work best for you. It might not necessarily be in your home.
• Create an agenda: Prepare a simple agenda to keep the conversation focused. Key topics might include reviewing recent expenses, discussing upcoming bills, and assessing progress toward shared financial goals.

2. Establish a Joint Budget

Budgeting as a couple is partly about managing joint expenses, but also about empowering both of you as individuals.

• Choose a Budgeting Method: Whether it’s a traditional spreadsheet or a modern app like Money Dashboard or Emma, select a tool that both partners are comfortable with.
• Agree on Spending Categories: Define clear categories for necessities (e.g., rent, bills), discretionary spending (e.g., dining out, hobbies), and savings.
• Include Personal Allowances: Allow each partner a personal budget to spend as they wish, avoiding the feeling of being overly restricted.

A joint budget acts as a roadmap for your finances, helping to prevent misunderstandings and promote financial stability. You can read more about budgeting in my earlier article here.

3. Align on Financial Goals: Short-Term and Long-Term

A great way to boost financial harmony is to work towards positive joint objectives. These could be short and long term goals.

• Define Goals Together: Sit down and create a list of what you both want to achieve financially. This could range from saving for a holiday to planning for retirement.
• Break Down Goals: Establish short-term (e.g., save £500 for emergencies), medium-term (e.g., save for a home deposit), and long-term goals (e.g., retirement planning).
• Visualise Your Goals: Use tools like goal-tracking apps or a simple whiteboard at home to keep these goals visible and track progress.

When both partners contribute to setting these goals, there is a greater sense of ownership and commitment to achieving them.

4. Practice Financial Transparency and Honesty

Secrecy around money can severely damage trust in a relationship. Build transparency and openness by:

• Sharing financial information: Both partners should have access to joint account statements and a clear understanding of household finances.
• Discussing big purchases: Set a threshold amount (e.g. £100) where purchases should be discussed beforehand, helping to avoid surprises.
• Be honest about financial mistakes: If mistakes happen, address them openly and focus on finding solutions together rather than assigning blame.

Transparency ensures that both partners feel informed and engaged in financial decisions, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings.

5. Set Up an Emergency Fund for Peace of Mind

An emergency fund is a safety net that protects couples from financial stress during unexpected situations, such as job loss, medical emergencies, or urgent home repairs.

• Aim for 3-6 months of expenses: Start small if needed, but gradually build your emergency fund to cover essential living expenses for several months.
• Automate savings: Set up a standing order to transfer a set amount into a separate savings account each month. This automation makes saving effortless and consistent.
• Keep it accessible, but not too accessible: Use a separate savings account to avoid dipping into these funds for non-emergencies.

Having an emergency fund can significantly reduce stress, providing both partners with a sense of security and stability. You can read more about this, and how it differs to a ‘rainy day fund’ here.

6. Respect Each Other’s Financial Perspectives

Partners often come into relationships with different financial backgrounds and habits. Recognising and respecting these differences is key to avoiding conflicts.

• Understand each other’s money mindset: Discuss how childhood experiences and past financial situations influence your current attitudes toward money.
• Avoid criticism: Instead of criticising a partner’s spending habits, seek to understand their perspective and find a compromise that works for both.
• Encourage learning together: Attend financial workshops, read books, or watch videos about personal finance as a couple. Shared learning can help bridge knowledge gaps and spark constructive conversations.

By approaching financial discussions with empathy, couples can create a more supportive and understanding dynamic.

Summary: Building Financial Harmony as a Couple

Money has the power to influence not only your daily decisions but also the strength and stability of your relationships. For couples, financial wellbeing is not merely about balancing budgets or achieving savings goals; it’s about building trust and alignment on a shared vision for the future.

When financial challenges arise, they can either create divides or become opportunities for growth, depending on how they are managed. Financial coaching offers couples a structured and supportive approach to navigating these challenges.

Even without professional coaching, couples can take practical steps to improve their financial relationship. Simple actions, such as scheduling regular money dates, setting shared goals, and practicing financial transparency, can make a significant difference.

The key is to approach finances not as a source of conflict but as a tool to help plan your future life together.

Whether you’re starting your financial journey as a couple or looking to reset your approach, the principles of financial coaching can guide you towards lasting financial wellbeing.

The journey will require effort and honesty, but the rewards of financial peace and a deeper connection with your partner are well worth it.